I am Here

This is my very personal, raw and painful experience with Bi-Polar Depression. These words have been read by very few. I truly hope none of you can relate.
(Thank goodness for medication, I do not feel this way anymore!) 

It’s the dark side of today’s daily post – Pensive.

I AM HERE

Standing still, a blur of motion surrounds me

Screaming in my head, muted by my thoughts

Watching but not seeing, blinded by my own hand

Smiling with my mouth, eyes fixed in a stare

Happiness lies on my skin, laughter settles in my throat

Light fills the skies; still it rains down my face

Loved and misunderstood, cherish is lost on me

Simplicity is complex, everything is questionable, WHY?

Living behind blinds, only slivers of reality getting through

Sleep…… long…. Swallowing…… sleep……….

Rage breaks my teeth and scars my face and it feels good

Other’s tears bring more tears brings more sad brings more rage

Sifting through the rubble, mending, bending, repairing broken pieces

Little bodies around me, mouths moving, smiling faces, saddened hearts

Hear me! HEAR ME! I AM SPEAKING…. HEAR ME DAMN IT!

Why is no one listening? I speak into silence.

Back in my world, standing still, a blur of motion surrounds me.

Screaming in my head.

Repeat.

Bipolar Depression

7 Comments

  1. I suffered thru this in 2005 couldn’t sleep sadness and rage going through me I looked in the mirror and all I saw was an empty hollow person who didn’t recognize herself.I cried and screamed inside please won’t someone help. Me please!!! No one understood not even me . the morning I ended up in the hospital was the worst day of my life. Fought the Dr didn’t want medicine. After 3 days realized how much I was hurting the people I loved so I looked in the mirror at the woman with eyes so vacant you could see into her soul and finally let go took the meds and sang the song 10,000 angels to watch over me and laid in bed to let God take over. From that day forward I have been on meds and God and my family get me through

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just read that twice and began to repeat the third time. This is brilliant. A life of depression is repeated in definition. As you write. Where does it end or begin. Lying just beneath the surface of the ashes of who you once were seeks the light of attention to stand upon.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s